The Little Voice
by spiceXisXnice
Summary: Rated PG for language and alcahol. You know that little voice in your head? Not your consience, but the other one? What if Ron had one? Things could get interesting... RWHG Kinda fluffy in 6th chapter.
1. The Little Voice

Disclaimer: I do not own any charachter except Bob, Sybil (no, not Trelawney), and Cornelius (no, not Fudge).

The Little voice

"I've got the life, Herms." The dark haired boy said while trying to unzip the frizzy brunette's dress.

"STOP CALLING ME HERMS!!!" She said while slapping him.

"Oh, Herms, you know you love me."

"I do not! HELP! HELP!" Suddenly, a redheaded, masculine man on a broomstick swooped in and grabbed her. Me!

"Do not fear, Hermione! I shall save you!"

"Oh, Ron! I knew you'd come!"

"Hermione, my darling, will you marry me?" I said while pulling a 14-karat gold-and-diamond ring out of my pocket that suddenly appeared.

"Oh, Ron, of course." Suddenly the evil Dr.Ironclaw and his impenetrable claw of fury swooped out of the sky and-

"AAAAAAAAA!"

"Oi, Ron, what's the matter?"

"Bad. Dream. Bad. Dream."

"Ron, go back to bed."

"Okay, Harry, I'll try."

Suddenly I was transported to a large mansion. I saw Harry and Hermione kissing on a couch inside. I was suddenly inside the mansion and dressed in butler's clothes. I felt myself moving towards the couch, even though I tried to pull away.

"Your dinner is served, Mr. and Mrs. Potter."

"Alright, Ronald, thank you. Come down for dinner, Drac!"

"Enjoy." Oh no! It was my worst fear being lived. Hermione was married! And it was not to me! Oh, and who was that coming down the stairs? Could it be?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Where did that come from, Ronald? You know it's just our son, Draco II."

"Poor dear's parents. Killed in that car crash."

"I know. And I was so fond of that Draco. Too bad I can't say the same about Pansy. Hahahahahaha!"

"Hahahahahaha!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I yelled again. I woke in a cold sweat.

"It's about time you woke, Ron. C'mon, today's the day. I'm so excited."

"About what? Oh yeah. The day." I'd been dreading this day for so long.

_Hey, you know, it's not that bad._

Are, are you my conscience?

_Yessssss…I am your conscience!!!! No, you twit, I'm that little voice inside your head named Bob that talks to you sometimes. We haven't talked in a while. How are you?_

Could be better.

_Well that's okay. Now Ron, you know you should be happy for your friend. He's asking out Hermione._

Exactly! He's asking out Hermione.

_Well, let him have a shot. You know she loves you._

Huh? Where'd you get that information? Are you plotting against me?

_Um…no, where'd you get that idea? Oh, would you look at the time. Gotta go!_

Waiiiiit! Will I ever see you again?

_Oh yeah. I'm scheduled to come up in this fic a lot! Gotta dash!_

Okay! See you later! Man, I've gotta stop talking to myself.

_Hey, I heard that!_

* * *

A/N: Sorry, this is a short fic.

Ron: Why do I have to be the crazy one?

A/N: What do you mean?

Ron: Hearing voices in my head?

A/N: grins evilly You aren't insane. But I could make you insane...

Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


	2. Harry and Ron Get to Hermione

Disclaimer: I do not own the wonderful charachters J.K. Rowling has given us. I only own the little voices in their heads.

Harry and Ron get to Hermione

"Harry, wait! Don't you want to get some breakfast first?"

"Can't. Too excited."

"But breakfast will help calm your nerves!"

"Exactly. I want to be pepped!"

"But what about Cho Chang?"

"What about what?"

"You know. When you asked her to the Yule Ball and your asking came out something like this: 'Willyougoballwime?' Am I correct?"

"Fine, Ron. I'll eat breakfast. But after that, it's straight to asking Herms to the Valentine's Hogsmede trip. It's our last year. Might as well take advantage of it!"

"You know she hates being called Herms."

"Shut up!" It went on like this until we reached the great hall. Then I saw her. Hair flowing like an angel. Beautiful. Poised. Perfect.

"Okay man, wish me luck."

"All the luck in the world."

Git.

_Now, now._

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Fine, nobody loves me. Sob 

"Harry, dude, you're back! How'd it go?"

"How'd you think it went?"

"That bad, huh?"

"Yeah. Turns out she's just 'waiting for the right guy.' sigh"

Well maybe that right guy is me.

"Um, I'm gonna go get that pumpkin juice, waaaaaay over there by Hermione."

"Okay. I don't care."

Okay, now to put my plan into action.

"Um, Hermione, I was just wondering, willyougohogsmedewime?"

"Um, Ron, I, uh, didn't understand a word you just said. Speak slowly and clearly."

"Hermione, will you go to the Valentine's Hogsmede trip with me? You know like a…date?"

"Oh, Ron, I've been waiting for you to say those words since I first lied eyes on you and knew there was a Hogsmede Valentine's trip. Of course I'll go! Come here, you big hunk of manliness." And she pulled me into a passionate kiss.

"Aug, Hermione, too much too fast!"

"Oh, sorry." And then I saw her do something I'd never seen her do before. She blushed!

"Um, Hermione, your cheeks are red."

"Well, Ron, your ears aren't exactly the palest things in the world, either."

"So, Hermione. I'll meet you in front of the great hall Saturday morning at eight. Is it a date?"

"It's a date." Then she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

Wow, that was awkward.

_Oh, come on it wasn't that bad._

Are you stalking me??

_Ron, I live with you. I'll never leave._

NOOOOOOO!!!

_You don't love me! Nobody loves me!_

Just find a nice girl and then you can live happily ever after with somebody loving you.

_WAAAA!!_

Honestly, you are such a crybaby. Hey, why is Harry giving me this hateful glare that Malfoy sometimes gives him?

_I don't know…let me think about it. Oh…ah…dear me, why?_

You're being sarcastic again, aren't you?

_Brilliant deduction Sherlock._

Well just give me the answer.

_Maybe it's because you totally took advantage on the rebound. I mean, duh! Look at Harry. He's such a poor, lost soul. _

Yea, it must be so hard being pretty, popular, and famous at the same time.

_Oh, stop._

* * *

A/N: See, Ron? Bob's nice.

Ron: So I'm going out with Hermione? And I kissed her?! Wicked Sweet!

Hermione: Well, I've always fancied you.

A/N: Get a room.

Harry: So...are me and Ron going to get in a fight?

A/N: Maybe...I dunno. That Would be rather fun, don't you think?

Ron and Harry: NO!


	3. The Fight

Disclaimer: I don't own these people, I just play with them.

The Fight

"Well, Ron, It seems you have a date, TRAITOR!"

"Well you don't, SLACKER!"

"Humph."

"Humph."

"I don't like you!"

"I've never liked you!"

"I've never liked you more!"

"I dislike you!"

"Oh, Ron. I never knew you knew so many big words!"

"Excuse me? Are you implying that I'm not smart? Who am I going out with? Huh? Who?"

"You just shut up."

"Make me! Try and make me!"

"Fine! I will!" The scene got ugly from there. Harry punching me, me punching Harry, the wands spurting out all kinds of spells. By the time they pulled us apart, my nose was bleeding, I had a black eye, and my left hand was broken. Harry, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley! Pull yourselves together. Mr. Potter? Mr. Potter!!!"

"Um, Professor, I don't think you'll be finding Harry very easily. You see, I turned him into a mouse-like creature."

"Mr. Ronald B. Weasley! I say! Well, no matter. _Accio _Harry."

"SQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Yelled the small mouse while shooting into McGonagall's forward-thrusted hand.

"Well, let's change him back. _Averto in _Harry Potter. Mr. Potter and Weasley, you have just earned yourself a two-week detention. Come along. To the infirmary."

"I hate you, Harry."

"I hate you more."

"Grr."

"Grr."

_Ron, 'hate' is a very strong word._

Hey, he said it too. I do hate him. And for someone who's not my conscience, you sure do a lot of conscience-y things.

_It's beside the point, but I resent that. Anyhow, just apologize. He'll forgive you._

For what? I didn't do anything!!!!

_As the kids like to say, 'You started it!'_

Did not!

_Did too!_

Did not!

_Did too!_

Did not, did not, did not!

_Did too, did too, did too!_

You're impossible.

_You started it!_

* * *

A/N:Ha! That's hilarious!

Ron: No, I like Harry. Harry is cool. I'm in the Harry Potter fan club!

Harry: Really? Cool!

Ron: Ummmm...you weren't supposed to know that...

A/N: Grins evilly.


	4. The Consciencey Thing Leaves

Disclaimer: I don't own these people, I just play with them.

The Conscience-y Thing Leaves

"'Hermione, you look like an angel.' But does she want to be from this earth? I think so. 'Hermione, you look lovely.'No, no. Lovely isn't enough to describe her beauty.** '**You look amazing, Hermione.' I don't even think amazing would work._ '_Wow, Hermione, I'm impressed.' No, that wouldn't work either! Aug! Nothing I'm saying is working! I just won't talk at all. Oh, but then she'll think something's up or I'm sick or something. AUG! Whoever says dating's easy, THEY LIE! And I still don't know what to wear!"

_Y'know, Harry sure could help you out with these problems…_

No way! I can't go crawling back to him. But I need help. Who can I call that Hermione used to swoon over?"

"Hello. You've reached Gilderoy Lockhart's automatic phone answering system. I may be in an insane asylum, but that doesn't mean that I still can't help you! If you're wondering how to de-gnome a garden, please press one. If you need cooking advice please press two. If you're going out on a date with the girl of your dreams and you don't know what to wear or say, please press three."

"That was oddly specific. This fellytone is so complicated." Beep Ron was using a magic phone inside his dormitory.

"If your girl has black hair, press one. If your girl has red hair, press two. If your girl has brown hair, please press three. If…" Beep

"If your girl has blue eyes, press one. If your girl has brown eyes, press…" Beep

"What does your girl eat for lunch? One, chicken. Two, tuna. Three, pork. Four, she's a vegetarian."

"This is going to take forever."

_Harry could help you…_

Shut up!

"Ron? Why do you keep changing your expressions? It's scaring me."

"Sorry, Neville. I'm just thinking."

"What, Weasley, just talking to that freak who lives in your head?"

"As a matter of fact, Potter, I am. He gives great advice. Unlike the brat in your head!"

"Hey! Cornelius gives awesome advice!"

"Well, Bob's better. Cornelius. Ha! What a stupid name!"

"When you insult Cornelius, it's like insulting my mother."

_Ron! Don't get more detention! C'mon, man! Pull yourself together._

Hey, he's Potter. I hate him.

_What have I told you about the word hate, Ron!_

"Shut up! Leave me alone!"

_You just said that out loud, Ron. But… you don't like me anymore?_

I never liked you. You're almost as bad as Potter!

_Well then let's see how well you get along without me, Ron! Until you come begging back to me, I'm leaving._

But, Bob, you're my best friend.

_Well, Ron, seems like you're losing best friends all over the place, Ron. Good-bye._

But…Bob…wait! Bob? Bob? Fine! Who needs you, anyway.

"I don't need you!"

"Well fine, Weasley, I'll leave you alone to get ready for your date."

Sob "I lost my best friend."

"Don't worry, Ron. Just go apologize to him. Harry'll understand."

"I'm not talking about Harry, Neville. I lost Bob!"

"I'm so sorry Ron. I'm going, now."

Sob I'm so alone…

* * *

A/N: Lockhart's so dreamy...

Hermione: I know...but I only date guys with brains.

A/N: Then...why are you dating Ron?

Hermione: ...

Ron: Why'd I have to choose Lockhart? Why...why...why...

Harry:Well, look on the bright side! There's always...

Ron: >:-P


	5. The Consciencey Thing's Little Breakdown

Disclaimer: I do not own the charachters mentioned in this chapter except Sybil. I also own Bob.

The Conscience-y Thing's Little Breakdown

_I'm so alone. Ron hates me, I am not doing a good job of keeping him company, and nobody loves me! WAAAAAAAAAAA! I know Ron needs help right now, and I can't help him, lest he call me a liar. I've never been this confused since the end of No Way Out!! I need to get a hold of myself. Breathe… deeply… breathe…deeply…okay, I think I'm okay. Wait! I'm not okay! I'm having a nervous breakdown! I knew not taking my medicine this morning was a bad decision! I'm so sick of myself. Maybe suicide will be better… No! I need to work through these self-esteem issues. Otherwise, I'll never see Ron again. Then he won't kiss Hermione, and I'll never get to talk to Sybil. Oh, Sybil, I have often seen you, dancing in Hermione's eyes. Oh how I long to touch that long silky hair, to caress that body. Oh, Sybil, I love you! Though I've never met you, I know you are the most beautiful thing in the world! Oh, I've got to write that down! Now… scratch… scratch… scratch…_

* * *

A/N: I know, real short chapter, but it's cool, k? My next chapter will be awesome.

_Bob: Why do I have to be the one with the unstable look on life???_

A/N: Because someone has to have an unstable look on life, and I love you.

_Bob: Grumble, grumble_

A/N: So...review. Please.


	6. The Date

Disclaimer: I do not own these charachters, just the people in their heads.

The Date

"Today's the day. I'm dating Hermione. This'll be great. I'm good. I'm slick, I'm cool, and I'm confident. I'm ready." I tried so hard to convince myself. Then, I saw… "Harry?" It didn't look like Harry. He was swaying back and forth, hiccupping, and couldn't walk a straight line if his life depended on it.

"Ron! Fancy seeing hic you here. Have you and hic Hermione hic snogged yet? hic"

"You're bloody drunk!"

"I swear to drunk I'm not God. hic You know hic what I learned hic today? I learned hic that Churchton hic Winstilll was a great leader. hic"

"Harry, have you been downing the Fire Whisky? I know you're 18, but… bloody hell, show some self respect."

"I've got more hic self respect in hic my finger then you have in your hic entire body!" At which point he slumped down and passed out.

"Harry? HARRY? WAKE UP YOU BLOODY GIT! HARRY! Well… one option… I have to beg to Bob."

Bob… I need you now more then ever. Please… come back… I need you… please…

_Took you long enough._

Bob! Thank Merlin! If I could hug you, I would. Now, let me explain. Harry was obviously depressed that I was actually going through with my date, and he's drunk. I smell the Fire Whisky in his breath. It's disgusting.

_Well, you have two options. One, you cold leave Harry here and have Draco torment him for the rest of his life._

And two?

_Carry Harry into the dormitory, lay him down, get Madame Pomfry, tell her what happened, get some medication, and totally forget your date with Hermione. You could send her an owl though._

Which one's better?

_The second._

Bloody hell. Well, I have no choice. Up we go, Harry. Oh, this is so gross. His breath smells.

_Well, at least you're doing the right thing. You know, I've always looked up to you, like a big brother. I'm glad my big brother's doing the right thing._

Aw, thanks Bob. Hey, we're at the common room! "Bloody hell, what's that new password? Umm… oh yeah! _Uomo ubriaco!_" I waited by the bed for a few hours. I sent an owl to Hermione and she sent back, forgiving me. Harry eventually came to.

"Bloody hell, my head. What happened?"

"Well, you got drunk, and you passed out in the hallway. It was very funny. Oh, and I found these in the common room." I held up several empty bottles of Fire Whisky and Hard Butterbeer.

"Yeah? I guess I was depressed. How'd your date with Hermione go?"

"What date?"

"You mean…Ron, I'm touched, but…**YOU BLOODY IDIOT!**"

"What?"

"Ron, Madame Pomfry could've taken care of me and delt with my bloody hangover, but you had to go all noble and take care of me, you idiot! Being stupidly noble is my job!"

"I know, Harry, I just wanted to take care of my best friend."

_Ron, that is so sweet. You are so cool._

Thanks, Bob. "Harry, what say we go down into the common room and eat? Dumbledore had a suspicion that we wouldn't be down for dinner, so he sent up a tray of sandwiches."

"Bloody hell! How long've I been asleep?"

"Give or take five hours."

"What'd you do while I was out?"

"Read."

"You read?"

"Surprising, isn't it? I caught up on some schoolwork."

"You do schoolwork?"

"Shut up!" It went on like that until we reached the common room. I saw Hermione sitting on an overstuffed armchair.

"Ron!" she ran up to me and kissed me.

"Hermione!"

"What, too much too fast?"

"No, It's just perfect."

_Ron, I'd hate to break up this moment of fluffiness, but your other best friend is standing behind you, looking like he's going to barf._

Oh, thanks.

"Ron,I'd hate to break up this moment of fluffiness, but yourbest friend is standing behind you, looking like he's going to barf."

"I know, Harry, you just stand there, looking like your going to barf, while we finish."

"Urg." And so, that's what happened. That's the tale.

* * *

A/N: So, you like?

Ron: That's it? That's the end? Only six chapters? WTF? **ONE MORE CHAPTER! ONE MORE CHAPTER!**

Draco: How come I'm not in it?

_Bob: But you were killed in a car crash! It said so in the first chapter. And you were mentioned in this chapter...I want another chapter just because I like this fanfic._

Draco: grumble, grumble I want to be in another chapter.

_Sybil: But I was only mentioned a few times! I didn't actually get to talk. This makes me say grr. I want another chapter and I wanna talk in it._

Harry: I was drunk?!?! WTF? I want another chapter to prove I'm sober.

Hermione: I'm fine, but if you want another chapter, I'm willing to comply.

A/N: Fine, one more chapter, but only if it gets good reviews.

All: Review, Review!


	7. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except the kids and the little voices. By the way, there is the best ending sequence.

Epilogue

"So that's how it all happened. That's how I got with your mother. That's how it all happened." I said.

"Great story, dad." Said my little brown haired boy.

"Yeah, dad, good story." Said my little red haired girl.

"Alright kids, you've heard how daddy and I met, now Emily, head on down to the kitchen and Jordan, go with your dad to the garage. We need to get out the Christmas decorations." Said Hermione.

"Okay mom!" they chorused.

_They're so cute._ Hermione thought.

I know, Sybil. They grow up so fast.

_What kind of cookies should we bake?_

I was thinking sugar cookies.

_Great idea!_

Meanwhile, I was with Jordan getting out the Christmas decorations.

"Dad, about that little voice in your head, are you crazy?"

"No, Jordan. Why do you ask?"

"Because Draco II says that people hearing voices in their heads is unnatural."

"What does he know?"

"He knows how to get to my sister."

"What?"

"Draco II is dating my sister."

"Wow, Jordan, that's great. True, Draco I wasn't all that nice to me at Hogwarts, but I think it's awesome that his son is dating your sister. His father and him are coming to the Christmas party, remember?"

Why, why, why?

_Because Hermione said so._

Oh, yeah.

"Dad, why does he have to come? Why, why, why?"

"Because your mother said so."

"Oh, yeah."

"Don't forget, all your cousins are coming, too. Good thing I have a big house."

"Aw, dad! All 15 of them are coming?"

"Yes, son. All 15. Be thankful it's not more! Of course, Harry is coming with your favorite aunt. They are married. Bloody…"

"Ronald Bilius Weasley! Don't you dare say that in front of the children!" screeched Hermione.

"…hell, it feels weird saying that. Hermione, I am not saying anything bad! I am just saying bloody hell. I said it all the time at school, and now I'll say it while I'm grown."

"Ron…it's no use arguing with you, you're impossible."

"I found that out during seventh year!" A man was on my front lawn. He had unruly black hair, round glasses, and a scar on his forehead. Next to him was a small girl, but looked about 27. She had flaming red hair, freckles across her nose, and a large stomach.

"Harry! Ginny! So glad you could make it! I am, of course, correct in saying you are having twins, little sister?"

"Ron, you already know that!"

"Yep! That makes 17!"

"17 what, Ron?"

"Cousins."

"Ron, you old coot, gimme a hug, too! Please!" This was Harry begging.

"No! You might be contagious! And I'm not old. I'm 28!"

"So?"

"Shut up!"

"Ron, Malfoy will be coming soon, along with your four other brothers."

"Too late for that, Granger." An oily haired grease bag was standing on my lawn. His hair had been slicked back (as usual) and next to him was an equally oily haired boy. But this one was smiling, not sneering.

"I do declare, no one's called me by my maiden name since I got married. And wipe that annoying sneer off your face, ferret. It's giving me a headache."

"Dad, why'd she call you ferret? Why?" said the small grease bag.

"Well, well! You haven't even told your own son?" this was me. "You see, when your father was in fourth year, he tried to attack Harry while his back was turned, and he got turned into a ferret and got bounced up and down the great hall. Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret. I'll never forget it." I had a smug smile on my face.

That was priceless.

_I have to admit, that was cool._

Glad you see it my way.

_That's never happened before._

No, it hasn't. You're very observant. Sarcasm, sarcasm.

_Are you being sarcastic with me?_

Yes.

_Hmph._

"Ronald, we need to get inside, it's snowing."

"Here I come, dear." Hermione, my dear.

I look into your eyes and see a picture, a boy on one side and a girl on the other. The boy is tall, lanky, and shy, just standing by while she frolics and plays, and finally he goes over. He talks, she talks. They kiss, and hold hands.

The picture changes. She is older, and so is he, and she is in a white dress, he in a tuxedo. They look at each other with only the purest of love in their hearts. He talks, she talks. They kiss, and hold hands.

The picture changes. She is older, and so is he, she wearing an apron, he wearing jeans. She is holding the hand of a little boy. He, that of a little girl. He talks, she talks, the young ones talk. They kiss, and hold hands. And there they are all in a row.

The picture changes. She is older, and so is he, she in a pink dress, he in a gray coat. She is hugging the little boy, now he is older. He is hugging the little girl, now older. The young ones walk out of the picture, in separate directions. He talks, she talks. They kiss, and hold hands, knowing they won't see the young ones for a long time. But they smile.

The picture changes. She is older, and so is he, they both in rocking chairs. She rocks, he rocks, both in unison, a gesture of love. He talks, she talks. They kiss and hold hands. They stand up and walk into the house, smiling at each other, knowing it was time. They never come out of the house again.

The picture changes. She is younger, and so is he, they both in robes of white. They look down, watching their children grow, watching the same story. He talks, she talks. They kiss and hold hands. And they are happy.

A/N: Finally! It's done! So there, Christie!

All: Have large party celebrating the completion of the fanfic!


End file.
